Top Ten Signs You Are Addicted to The Internet

10.  You know who 4chan is and began signing everything /b/.  Even your drives license.

9. You have over 500 "friends" on Facebook and half of them are in your Mob, and post in languages you don't speak.

8.  You know more about what happened to your Twitter followers today than what your kids did.


7.  The people you interact with most are known to you only as Stranger.


6.  You proudly display a print-out of your E-Bay "Power-Seller" status instead of your degree.


5.  When people talk to you, you try to optimize their "keywords".


4. You have more bookmarks on your computer than you own actual books.


3.You begin to ask people to call you by your Windows Live user name.

2. Email has replaced real letter writing to the point that you wonder when stamps went from 29 cent to 44.

And finally.... 


1.  You Blog more often than you speak to a real person, so much so, that you had to begin making top ten lists just to have enough to talk about.

Top Ten Signs You Are a Fundamentalist

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

  10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering.  And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
  3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers.  You consider that to be evidence that prayer works.  And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Leaf Me Alone

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, it's that time of year again.  No not diet time, FALL!  And how appropriate a name for a time of year when all the leaves are falling.  And falling, and falling, and.... well, you get the point.
My "yard" is about two and a half acres, give or take a few hundred square feet occupied by house and shed.  And I have beautiful, wonderful, tall and majestic trees!  Almost an acre of them.  Most of the year they don't do much, sway in the wind, make shady spots, soak up water.  But for about two months, give or take a raking, they drives me insane.

Red, brown and gold hell rains in my driveway.  Crunchy insanity clutters my porch.  Certain mildewy sinus damage creeps in soft layers up the drive and across the still green grass.   We tried to tame the beast with a bagger equipped riding lawn mower.
"I can't feel my legs anymore," my husband comments after his fifteenth trip to empty the bagger in the past hour.

We tried raking them into piles and burning them, but the fire department apparently has regulations about the SIZE fire allowed on your property.  And the smoke was so thick for a few hours that it muffled the sound of our terrier barking his disapproval.
"Can you see my eyebrows?"  the husband queries after lighting the first pile of instant inferno.

Someone suggested raking it all back into the woods it came from.  Three hours of cursing and blisters later and the wind has redistributed most of the leaves we manage to gather from just one quarter of the yard.  We both have bad thoughts in our head for the continued survival of the smarty pants with the suggestion.  Perhaps his unfortunate run in with a fast moving bagging lawn mower.  Rakes have been broken, nerves cracked and the sarcasm is loose again in the yard.
"Is it spring yet?" I am bent over, leaning on the two halves of my rake like crutches.

The trees are naked skeletal reminders of the beauties they once were.  I feel tired, sore and downright infested with fungus, and leaf dust.  The leaves are finally stuffed, mulched, raked and beaten into a fluffy submission, deep in the back of the woods now.  The smart alack is invariably buried under one of the piles, as I am sure that was his John Deere hat I saw disappear under the lawn mower a few hours ago.  I suppose I could have been hallucinating, I am dehydrated and leaf blindness is setting in.  Everything looks dead and brown.  I suppose I will feel depressed about the barren yard-scape, when I can summon the energy.

My husband appears with a hot cocoa in each gloved hand and suggests a few larger, leafier trees that would make good firewood.  I suggest that maybe he doesn't like to breath oxygen very much.
"I'm not sure what it is.  Is it mixed with the leaf dust and mildew spores?"  his sigh is not wasted on me.

Next year, we will be ready.  I am Google-ing flame throwers right now.