Top Ten Signs You Are Addicted to The Internet

10.  You know who 4chan is and began signing everything /b/.  Even your drives license.

9. You have over 500 "friends" on Facebook and half of them are in your Mob, and post in languages you don't speak.

8.  You know more about what happened to your Twitter followers today than what your kids did.


7.  The people you interact with most are known to you only as Stranger.


6.  You proudly display a print-out of your E-Bay "Power-Seller" status instead of your degree.


5.  When people talk to you, you try to optimize their "keywords".


4. You have more bookmarks on your computer than you own actual books.


3.You begin to ask people to call you by your Windows Live user name.

2. Email has replaced real letter writing to the point that you wonder when stamps went from 29 cent to 44.

And finally.... 


1.  You Blog more often than you speak to a real person, so much so, that you had to begin making top ten lists just to have enough to talk about.

Top Ten Signs You Are a Fundamentalist

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

  10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering.  And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
  3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers.  You consider that to be evidence that prayer works.  And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Leaf Me Alone

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, it's that time of year again.  No not diet time, FALL!  And how appropriate a name for a time of year when all the leaves are falling.  And falling, and falling, and.... well, you get the point.
My "yard" is about two and a half acres, give or take a few hundred square feet occupied by house and shed.  And I have beautiful, wonderful, tall and majestic trees!  Almost an acre of them.  Most of the year they don't do much, sway in the wind, make shady spots, soak up water.  But for about two months, give or take a raking, they drives me insane.

Red, brown and gold hell rains in my driveway.  Crunchy insanity clutters my porch.  Certain mildewy sinus damage creeps in soft layers up the drive and across the still green grass.   We tried to tame the beast with a bagger equipped riding lawn mower.
"I can't feel my legs anymore," my husband comments after his fifteenth trip to empty the bagger in the past hour.

We tried raking them into piles and burning them, but the fire department apparently has regulations about the SIZE fire allowed on your property.  And the smoke was so thick for a few hours that it muffled the sound of our terrier barking his disapproval.
"Can you see my eyebrows?"  the husband queries after lighting the first pile of instant inferno.

Someone suggested raking it all back into the woods it came from.  Three hours of cursing and blisters later and the wind has redistributed most of the leaves we manage to gather from just one quarter of the yard.  We both have bad thoughts in our head for the continued survival of the smarty pants with the suggestion.  Perhaps his unfortunate run in with a fast moving bagging lawn mower.  Rakes have been broken, nerves cracked and the sarcasm is loose again in the yard.
"Is it spring yet?" I am bent over, leaning on the two halves of my rake like crutches.

The trees are naked skeletal reminders of the beauties they once were.  I feel tired, sore and downright infested with fungus, and leaf dust.  The leaves are finally stuffed, mulched, raked and beaten into a fluffy submission, deep in the back of the woods now.  The smart alack is invariably buried under one of the piles, as I am sure that was his John Deere hat I saw disappear under the lawn mower a few hours ago.  I suppose I could have been hallucinating, I am dehydrated and leaf blindness is setting in.  Everything looks dead and brown.  I suppose I will feel depressed about the barren yard-scape, when I can summon the energy.

My husband appears with a hot cocoa in each gloved hand and suggests a few larger, leafier trees that would make good firewood.  I suggest that maybe he doesn't like to breath oxygen very much.
"I'm not sure what it is.  Is it mixed with the leaf dust and mildew spores?"  his sigh is not wasted on me.

Next year, we will be ready.  I am Google-ing flame throwers right now.

Fearmongering: It's Not Just for Politicians Anymore

You see the political ads every day. One candidate says the other is out to get you. They are liars, they only care about the other guy, they fill their pockets and the pockets of their friends on your tax dollars and leave you to rot. Sometimes it's true. The hardest thing to do is to ignore this hate rhetoric and fear-mongering. But now they are using YOU to carry their messages. And they are making you lie for them.

Remember that email you got Monday, warning you about health care tax increases that will make you pay taxes on income you didn't make. It's a lie. You panicked, sent it to everyone you know and then sat back in fear of what is going to happen in January when you can't pay the house note anymore? Nothing. Maybe you vote differently this election or next, that's the original e mailer's intent. But you didn't research it and neither did the person you got it from. There were links claimed as proof of the tales they told but you didn't click them. You never know when an email will contain a virus or send you to a page that attacks your computer. You are savvy in the ways of the internet! Or maybe there was no link, no proof, just someone important claimed as the source of the information. Either way, you did exactly what the haters wanted, sent it on to everyone in your list.
If the email had told you there was a fortune to be made by following this easy step by step plan, you would see it as the crap it is right off. But these guys are tricky. They don't want your money, they want your vote.
Since when did we become a society that believes everything we hear on TV, radio and in email? We used to question everything, show me the proof. But you never see any in these emails and they don't have to prove ANYTHING. Because emails are not governed the same way as other "news" sources. Often we don't know who the original poster even was. So, no one can be sued for slander, made to prove their sources or made accountable when they simply outright lie about the source of the "information" they are spewing.
Most recently I have received a dozen or more emails claiming my taxes will skyrocket in 2011, I will pay taxes on income I don't make and my house sale will be taxed at insane levels. Before I send anything on (and I usually DON'T) I run a few simple checks on the information. I go to Snopes.com first. They usually have what I am seeing by the very title of the email, and it's almost always CRAP! They also tell you why and how it's crap with LINKS to the sources of their information. Now, I know that few of us have the time, inclination or understanding to read the health-care bill in it's entirety. Thank you Snopes for reading it for me so I can find the lies out quicker. If that doesn't work or the lie is to new to have been picked up, I turn to my search engines. Usually I can find several websites, often including government sites, with the forms, files or laws that are being referenced. This takes longer, but I get to the truth.

Are you mad yet? I was. I am being used to carry lies and spread them like herpes, ruining days like an outbreak at every click of the send button. Now after a research run on the internet, often no more than five minutes tops, I reply to all and let my friend and everyone they forwarded to know, you are contagious. You are infected with fear and stopped using the brain I know you have. Intelligent individuals caught up in their fear and anger at the government to the point that they simply stop thinking for themselves. Want to know what's wrong with America? Why the politicians are running crazy with power and the economy has gone to shit? There it is, a deep seeded fear that negates thought and drives us to make irrational decisions based on lies and propaganda.
9/11 was a horrible, scary and tragic terrorist attack. The crashed economy did more damage to more lives. And we have only our own fear driven panic to blame. Educate yourself. Research EVERYTHING. Take absolutely nothing at face value until you have thoroughly exhausted your ability to get the facts. And finally, before you hit the voting booths, use your common sense. Just like bankers in Nigeria who are holding $3.5 million for you in a safe deposit box til they get your bank account number to transfer it to, if it sounds too good (or bad) to be true, IT IS!

here are links to the facts I presented.  If there is something you want to be proven, comment and I will respond ASAP!
Taxed health care coverage
Healthcare Bill Taxes my house sale
Nigerian Scam
Email Sites Kiplingers as source

My Evil Plans (tm)

Evil Plan

My objective is simple: soul accumulation.

My motive is a little bit more complex: love (yes, it works)
Stage One

To begin my plan, I must first seduce a Pope. This will cause the world to sense a grave disturbance in the force, unsettled by my arrival. Who is this Unholy Menace? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in Classic Black?

Stage Two

Next, I must contaminate the town's water supply. This will all be done from the island of Mu, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will spontaneously combust, as countless hordes of the undead hasten to do my every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, I must activate my arcane ritual, bringing about an End to Sanity. My name shall become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, and no man will ever again dare interrupt my sentences. Everyone will bow before my Dashing Good Looks, and the world will have no choice but to grant me three maidens of virtue true.

I am NOT a teacher.......

OK, let's see if I can stop laughing long enough to post this...... *snicker, snort, chuckle* So a close friend is attending college online. I totally support her in this and she has chosen a respected online school. I won't mention the school cause it will probably get me sued for liable or some stupid thing but you would know it if I did. She has been having trouble with one of her classes, just not being able to get a perfect score on a paper. During our conversation, she mentioned that they are not called teachers, but rather facilitators. They facilitate the education experience of the students.
This is too funny. Isn't that what a teacher DOES? Facilitate the learning experience? I think it's in the job description.... foster learning environments while providing educational opportunities and facilitating the learning process. Are they that self important that being a teacher or professor isn't good enough for them? Is being a teacher a BAD thing now? They still call the attendees students. Apparently the facilitators are more special than the facilitated. Maybe it just looks awesome on a resume... I am not a teacher, I am an educational facilitator. I think I will take this into my vocabulary now. I am not a parent... I am a child growth facilitator. A mother is an incubation facilitator. A crying child is an annoyance facilitator, actually, the child making the crying child cry is actually the facilitator I guess....
I am taking it to my resume for sure. I was once a food delivery facilitator, a package transition facilitator, and for a short time, a military vehicle activity facilitator. I like it. And it would make many jobs sound much more desirable, wouldn't it. A refuse disposal facilitator, a waste water sanitation facilitator, even a elder care facilitator. SIGH. I think it's time to facilitate the end of this blog.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ok I feel better now.... for about five minutes. This lady needs another kid in the cart, a shovel in her hand, and a teenager harassing her every step. "Can I have a cookie." "I'm hungry." "WHY can't I go all the way across the country and stay with someone who's a total stranger to you???" "Woof." "I got mud on my shoe." "HI!... mom she didn't say hi back to me..." "Look a deer!!!!" "HE HIT ME!!!" "But I need to be at practice NOW!" *interspersed with random screaming at the top of lungs* "A BEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

First off.... yes you have a job, mr dad. Yes you get up slightly earlier than me to go to it. But noone is yelling at you to feed them, water them or kiss a boo boo (he stubbed his dang toe on a LEGO!!!) while you are doing said job. Also, while I know I volunteered to help with the yard work so you could rest your hurt elbow, asking me what I did today when you walk in the door isn't helping. When you get home everyone wants dinner.... help with homework... another boo boo kissed (MY GOD, you are 5, how can it hurt THAT bad!?!?!?). There are also fights to break up (have considered just giving them baseball bats and let Darwin take the wheel)... dogs to feed and water again (quit barking at EVERY chipmunk, there are like 20 of them out there, get used to it already!!!) floors to clean (yes I saw the damn poop... I'll get to it, *CRASH* OH HELL what NOW!?).

Idea: When you get home, and something needs doing that will hurt you to do (nice scrape on the already hurting elbow... damn, did a shark attack your shop???) maybe you could actually play a game or two with the children while I do that task. It's what I do when YOU are cutting grass, digging trenches, weed eating and tilling the ruts so you don't get thrown off the riding mower(stupid ten ton gravel truck!) We both know I am capable but quite frankly, ain't nothing much getting done as fast as you want it done if no one gives me time to do it. OH, and can you make dinner while I am out there? I am gonna be dirty tired and hungry when I'm done......

Conversations with a five year old

"MOM, Dakota said the shit word." indignation and self important tattling voice....

"What?" Incredulous, did I just hear what I thought you said mom voice...

"Dakota said the shit word..." From the next room "Nuh-uh!!!"

Move into the next room where one twin is on the floor picking up spilled cheerios and looks up at his tattle tale brother with anger.
"I didn't say the shit word!"

To the tattle tale... "Did he say SHIT or another bad word?"

"He didn't say SHIT he said the shit word...." seeming confused that I don't get it yet...

"What is the shit word?"

Still indignant..."I DIDN'T say the SHIT word!!!"

"He said poop... the shit word, that means shit."

*facepalm* "He's allowed to say poop.... I know it MEANS shit but he can say poop and NOT say shit, that's ok."

Wrinkled brow and then understanding... "OH! Well..... then.... nevermind!"

Sits back down and seems to act as if nothing has happened, while I walk back to what I was doing, confused and flustered.

KIDS!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHH!

I have a daughter, lets call her Mae. She thinks her room can be a wreck cause it is hers. never mind that SHE didn't pay to replace three carpets in three houses due to makeup, kool aid and paint stains. She thinks she shouldn't have to do things for NOTHING in return. Like I never take her to the mall, the movies, her friends house, wash her clothes, buy her clothes AND food, pay for the roof over her head, her cell phone, the car that I take her around in, the gas that goes in the car, the electricity and internet she uses for her computer, cell phone charging, tv watching, the cable she watches, the water for her use up ALL the hot water showers. She shouldn't have to wash dishes for nothing in return. With a dishwasher I paid for. What have I EVER done for her? She should be able to just TAKE whatever she wants without asking. And heaven FORBID I say no to any request no matter how insane, expensive or just plain stupid it is or I am horrible, hate her and am trying to ruin her life. I guess asking to travel to another state halfway across the country two days before x-mas to spend the holidays with her friends and stay with ones alcoholic drug addict mother is perfectly acceptable in her 15 year old world.

Americans are fat happy and being snowed!!!

As of now, I am sure you have all heard of Joseph Stack. If not, here's the short version. The IRS screwed him over for almost his entire adult life due to their interpretation of a hard to understand tax law concerning contractors. He wipes his savings and retirements out three times in his life trying to fight these and other IRS snafus and failing. His anger, frustration and feear finally got the best of him. He then set fire to his home and flew a two person training type small plane into the Austin IRS building, killing one person and himself. He left behind his reasons in a 6 page letter online which the government saw fit to remove from the internet, due to it's sensitive nature. The KKK still has several active sites. But the government is afraid of one mans anger and what his letter might say to you. If you still want to know what this man had to say, the letter was copied and pasted before the site was brought down and can be read here...
Smoking Gun

I cant believe that people are so blind as to continue to allow the government to tell us what we can and cannot digest. I thought that somewhere there was an amendment to the Constitution that protects free speech. I must be mistaken, or lied to. Read the letter. Its not the ravings of a madman who thinks the government planted microchips in him or listens to his thoughts through the tv. He makes valid arguments and intelligent points. Tell me what YOU think about his letter. His ACTIONS went too far, so lets stick with the ideas that led him to this violent act.